Rarely do I blog, but yesterday I had an experience that I must write about. I am currently working for the Autism Society of NC as a skills instructor. I help people with Autism learn and gain independence with daily living skills. One of the darlings I work with every day, a 16 year old girl, is very musically inclined. My supervisor placed me with her being that I am a musician and music therapist and have worked with people on the spectrum in the past doing music therapy. Her and I hit it off, and almost a year later, I can honestly say there is mutual love and affection. Yesterday, during my shift with her, we were upstairs in her princess pink bedroom. It felt very warm in her room, which is not unusual. I started to feel flush, nauseous, heart fluttering, and as though I may pass out. I calmly got up from where I was sitting and removed my sweater. The darling girl, whom we shall refer to as Miss B from now on, looked at me and said "You want to lay down.? Normally, this means she wants to lay down. But in this moment, me feeling ill, she was staring right into my eyes. I put her favorite Barney video on and had her lay on her bed. I sat in the doorway, on the floor, where cool air was pouring in. Miss B continued to look at me, and in between repeating the lines of the video, she would say "Hey Meryl" or "You want to lay down." I got up and told her I needed to use the bathroom, and she could stay on her bed. I used the bathroom and now my heart was fluttering, and I felt more so like I would either vomit or pass out. When I left the bathroom, Miss B had walked downstairs to her mom and dad, who had just gotten home. I came down too and told her mom I wasn't feeling well. I told her my symptoms and her husband, who happens to be an OB/GYN, came out and said it was a blood sugar crash. He got me a granola bar, and she a cold towel for my neck. I sat on the couch. Miss B decided then to be my nurse. She sat next to me, stroked my hair and said in a sweet soothing voice "Hey Meryl." She started to gently rub my knee, which she has never done before. She noticed I was crying a bit and pointed at her own dry eyes, saying, "You want MY eyes"? Miss B started to pace around for a moment, then came up to me giggling, asking me to tickle her feet, then running away laughing. I know in my heart she was trying to get me to laugh and feel better. Her mom, who was tending to me, witnessed these exchanges and said "She knows you don't feel well and is nervous about it." I did not perceive it all as anxiety, but rather, her way of trying to help. When I was feeling better, I went back upstairs to collect my things and again, Miss B asked if I wanted to lay down. I did and she laid next to me. She put her forehead on mine and stared right into my eyes with the largest smile. She started stroking my hair again, saying "Hey Meryl." Once downstairs, she rubbed the back of my neck, in a mindful, massage therapist-esque way, that sent chills down my spine. She again put her forehead on mine and looked right into my eyes...into my soul.
I don't claim to know much about Autism and what the experiences people on the spectrum have. I can only speculate from my experiences working with autistics over the years and reading others' personal stories. I think Miss B could energetically sense that I was sick. And instead of her going into her "negative" and "attention seeking" behaviors that usually accompany anxiety or shared attention, she came to my aide. I think she was trying to heal me. I know for some reading this, that may be a stretch. I am empathic. I could FEEL her communicating with me. This is a child who would otherwise be view from the outside as moderate to "low" functioning. She doesn't use language the same way neurotypical people do. She has self-injurious behaviors. She loves things that a 3-4 year old would love. And yet, in a moment of need, she came to my rescue.
